I Just LOOOOOOOOOOOVE TR Chula!
by Blue Paratroopa
Summary: A certain spider in the Haunted Mansion is getting on everyone's nerves. However, a group of deranged villains sidekicks, is out to get him. Can the Hitchhiking Ghosts keep Chula safe? And will they actually be able to stand him? Maybe. Nah.
1. The Swamp Boys

Here's the newest Disney adventure, staring everyone's favorite (or perhaps least favorite) spider, T.R. Chula! I love the little guy, although no one in the story seems to.

* * *

(To the tune of "The Bells of Notre Dame")

Banjo: _**Sun sets on Main Street** _

_**Goodbye to the guests** _

_**For it's dusk at Disney's park** _

_**Time for the workers to get a good rest** _

_**When it's dusk at Disney's park** _

_**But you never know quite what will happen** _

_**So keep looking around now and hark** _

_**For adventures will start soon for dumb and for smart soon** _

_**At dusk** _

_**It's dusk at Disney's park** _

Banjo, an alligator, sat strumming his guitar on the cliffs of Splash Mountain. Night had indeed fallen on the park. His older brothers, 'Cordion and Gee-Tar sat nearby. Collectively, they made up a local country band called the Swamp Boys. They didn't have too many differences from each other physically. The way to distinguish them was from their hats, voices, and their instruments. 'Cordion played an accordion, had a deep voice, and wore a blue hat. Gee-Tar played a guitar, also had a deep voice, and wore a white hat. Banjo played a banjo, had a higher voice and wore a tan hat.

"What're you talking about, Banjo?" asked 'Cordion.

"Adventures are popping up here every day," explained Banjo. "Just you wait, something big's gonna happen, 'cause something big always happens."

At that moment, three ghosts flew by. One looked like a skeleton, one was fat and silly-looking, the third was a dwarf with a huge beard. And every Disney fan knew them as the Hitchhiking Ghosts.

"I can't stand it in there!" shouted Ezra, the skeleton.

"Even the other spiders hate him!" complained Phineas, the silly one.

"Freak," muttered Gus, the short one.

"What's wrong, boys?" asked Gee-Tar.

"Well," said Phineas, "we've had a certain resident for a while who's overstayed his welcome."

"Welcome? WHAT welcome?" exploded Ezra. "I sure didn't welcome him! He's an unnecessary addition to our otherwise classy mansion!"

Gus looked up. "Classy?"

"Well, okay, it only tries to be classy, but it'd sure be a lot better off if HE wasn't there."

"Who's 'he'?" asked Banjo.

Phineas narrowed his eyes. "T.R. Chula. Of the _Fievel Goes West _ fame."

"Oh, I know that guy!" smiled Banjo. "He's had a weird life."

"How would you know?" asked Ezra.

Gee-Tar shrugged innocently. "We're the pseudo-narrators. We have to know this stuff."

"Is he really that bad?" asked 'Cordion.

"You don't know the half of it, buddy," sighed Ezra.

"Maybe we should go back to the mansion," suggested Phineas.

Ezra nodded. "Guess so. See you guys later!"

"See?" Banjo said to his brothers as the others flew away. "Something tells me those ghosts and that spider are gonna have some interesting days ahead."

_**Those ghosts and that spider might bond just a bit** _

_**As it's dusk at Disney's park** _

_**Adventure will happen, yes I'm sure of it** _

_**Yes it's dusk at Disney's park!** _

--

Indeed, things at the Mansion had been different lately. They had a new resident, who, unlike most of the other ghosts, was alive. And very annoying. Very, very, very annoying. T.R. Chula, the little purple tarantula from _Fievel Goes West._ Obscure? Of course. But the once unheard of Chula was now making a name for himself.

No one remembered why exactly Chula came to stay at the Mansion. His friend Batty Koda had flown off to return to FernGully quite a while back, but Chula had stayed. To make it fair, no one really knew why Batty came either.

George Gracey was used to getting complaints about the Hitchhiking Ghosts bothering visitors. Although he got the same amount of reports daily, he got three times the amount of reports for a certain spider.

Chula didn't really get along with any of the ghosts. The girls were disturbed by him, the men were weirded out. Everyone admitted there was someone worse in the Mansion than Ezra, for once. Ezra actually had his own problems. Chula would not leave his girlfriend, Ariel, alone. It was clear with everyone. The creature had to go.

But where would he go to? George didn't think it was right to simply fling Chula out into the streets, even at Disney World. The mansion was essentially the park's second cesspool, the first being Pirates of the Carribean. Everyone agreed that Chula wouldn't last a second there. For the time being, Chula stayed.

--

It was on one of these days that Emily angrily stomped into George's office, hidden within the Mansion's crypts in the graveyard. George Gracey and his wife, Lily, looked up. "Emily," cried George, "you're supposed to be in the attic!"

"That wretched spider's up there and he's RUINING my scene!" complained the shrill bride.

"Ruining? How so?"

"People can't focus on a ghostly bride if there's an arachnid crawling into cracks where nothing should crawl!" pouted Emily.

George sighed. "Ah. I see."

"Is he still there?" asked Emily.

"When I left, he certainly was!" Emily began to pace around the room, flailing her bouquet (which kept turning into an axe) around wildly. "I simply cannot work this way. If I had a trailer, I would go to it. But, then again, I'm not much the type for trailers."

"Alright, Emily," George stood up, "I'll send a few pop-up ghosts to toss him out."

Emily made a face. "Pop-up ghosts?! I can't stand the little beasts! I was happy to finally get rid of them!"

They heard screams coming from outside the office.

Emily immediately calmed down. "Never mind. Sounds like he's in the graveyard now. I have an audience to entertain." She quickly left.

George sighed deeply. Lily put a hand on her husband's shoulder. "I know it's hard, dear."

"Usually I get complaints about the Hitchhiking Ghosts, but now even THEY'RE complaining," moaned George. "Besides, at least they had some endearing qualities to them. Chula is simply a hyperactive, perverted, foul-mouthed, self-centered spider."

"And a loud one," added Lily.

George sank back into his seat. "I just don't have the heart to throw him out. I've been hearing rumors that there's a group of villain's sidekicks who want to kill him!"

"Kill him? Why would anyone want to...never mind. But what's THEIR reason for wanting to kill Chula?"

"I have no idea."

**

* * *

**

The Swamp Boys first made a cameo in "The Hundred Acre Woods Goes to Hell," but this is their first big role as the narrators. I used to write stories about Splash Mountain, and Banjo was probably one of my first Ezra-esque characters.

An earlier version of the scene had the Swamp Boys not knowing who Chula was. I had to change it when I realized that they HAD to know who he was to narrate certain scenes later:

**Phineas: T.R. Chula. Of the ** _**Fievel Goes West ** _ **fame.**

**(The Swamp Boys stare)**

**Phineas: You know...the spider? The purple one?**

**Gus: Stop trying. He's too obscure.**

**Ezra: Well, he sure isn't anymore! There's not one ghost or Cast Member who doesn't know who he is!**

**Gee-Tar: Well, we STILL don't know who he is.**

**Ezra: SHUT UP! ...sorry, that was harsh. Chula's just made us kinda tense.**

**Gus: And you won't like me when I'm tense.**


	2. Not Exactly Villains

Sorry to everyone for the long wait. I'd rather not explain, but the story will probably progress a bit faster now.

* * *

Somewhere, down in a scuzzy old joint in an alley outside of the Disney World property, a meeting was taking place. Villains' sidekicks of all shapes and sizes gathered around a podium. Disney trivia buffs would have a ball naming everyone! To name a few, there was Flotsam and Jetsam, Lucifer, Maleficent's goons, Hook's pirates, Fidget, Pain and Panic, Horace and Jasper, even LeFou and Wiggins! Oh, and Hyenas. Lots of Hyenas.

Fidget the peg-legged bat flew up to the podium to settle the crowd down. "Attention, everyone!" he shouted. "Our leader will return in just a moment. If Mr. Kronk could please read back the minutes from our last meeting?"

Kronk stared at him blankly. "Read back the what?"

"Ya know, a record of what we said?"

"I'm supposed to remember that?"

"YES!" exclaimed Fidget. "It's your job! It's been your job ever since we've started getting together!"

"Oh...geez. Thought I did the catering. I made cake."

Fidget fluttered down and took a bite of Kronk's baking. He savored it in his mouth. "Oooh...that's gooooood...you get off easy this time."

Annoyed, Shenzi the hyena stood up, to the extent a hyena could. "I can take it from here. We're all meeting, 'cause we're tired of being bossed around! We've gotta take a stand for ourselves, am I right?"

"RIGHT!" shouted the sidekicks.

"Why do they get all the merchandise, huh?" continued Shenzi. "We ever seen Horace and Jasper on a shirt? No, it's Cruella everyone loves! You mention Gaston and everyone knows who you're talking about. You mention LeFou and they go 'who's LeFou?'"

LeFou looked embarrassed. "Uh, yeah, can we not tell Gaston about this? I just need a better social life."

"And our glorious leader will lead us into battle!" finished Shenzi. "In fact, here he is now! CREEPER!"

Everyone cheered as Creeper, in all of his ugly, green and deformed dwarfish glory took the stands. "We all know why we're here, don't we?" he shouted in his hoarse voice.

"FOR AN UNPRISING!" shouted the sidekicks.

"Yeah," said Fidget, "you'll finally get to stand up to the Horned King!"

Creeper squeaked, remembering all the painful times he'd been strangled by his master. "Um, yes. B-but FIRST we need to address a very, VERY serious issue."

"More serious than uprising against the Horned King and everyone else?" asked Fidget.

Creeper nodded frantically. "MUCH more important than uprising against everyone..." he lowered his voice. "Especially his majesty, the Horned King. It's an issue of other sidekicks trying to steal the spotlight from us! Non-Disney characters!"

Panic held up a shaky finger. "But, uh, they're still villains' sidekicks, right? I mean, we've got the same cause and everything..."

"But how do you know that, hmm?" growled Creeper, leering at the crowd. "We've known each other for almost all our lives once our films have ended, but what about them? They're outsiders! They could be spies! They could ruin our entire mission! And I happen to know of one that is in our midst right now...T.R. Chula!"

The crowd cheered again.

"Fools, he's the enemy!" yelled Creeper.

The crowd booed.

"That's right!" Creeper nodded, satisfied. "We cannot continue on our quest until we exterminate him! Bring out the Dip!"

There was a long silence.

"That's kinda lethal to us," Kronk pointed out.

"Good point," agreed Creeper. "In that case, we'll simply crush him! I'm brilliant! And I have a plan! I say we raid the mansion, capture him, and squash the little bugger!"

"Well, who says we're gonna find him, huh?" complained Banzai in the crowd. "He's tiny!"

"Excellent point!" Creeper nodded. "That's why we may have use my secret weapon...Digit."

With that, Creeper motioned to a small, shivering cockroach that sat by him on a pile of coins. Without Creeper having draw attention to him, Digit would have never been noticed by anyone.

"Hello all," stammered Digit, who had no idea what he was doing there.

After his brief appearance in _An American Tail_ , Digit had simply faded into almost complete obscurity. When he had heard about a gathering of animated sidekicks, he assumed he could find some friends and enjoy himself. He had no idea it would be something like this. The idea of standing up to his old boss, Warren T. Rat, was terrifying to him. And now that he knew they were after non-Disney characters, he was in for it! Here he was, sitting there, ready to be splattered!

Like always, whenever he was scared, Digit began to shake uncontrollably and sparks flew off of his antennas. He wasn't quite sure why they did this, but they did and it always made him terribly embarrassed.

"Digit is our treasurer," explained Creeper. "He was in...hmm...what movie were you in?"

Everyone narrowed there eyes. Digit gulped. Obviously, no one remembered him. He had to make up something. Fast.

"I...was in...ah, _Saludos Amigos_ . Yes, but I was cut for time. Shame, really."

"Oh, so that's why I don't remember him," muttered Pain. The crowd agreed.

Digit would have fainted right there if Creeper hadn't have lifted him up by the wing. "Now, then, something of your size would certainly have the advantage in being a spy. If we do not find the spider, expect us to call on you."

"Yes, sir," whispered Digit. The second Creeper put him down, he passed out.

Thankfully, no one noticed.

"Now, then," Creeper addressed his group, "as long as that's settled, we attack the Mansion in a few days! Search every room! Every corner! The spider shall be found!"

The sidekicks cheered again.

* * *

I think it was Wiggins who was originally going to read back the notes, but let's face it, Kronk beats Wiggins any day.

Digit is probably my favorite _Amercain Tail_ character, even if he only appears in five minutes of the movie! Well, you know me and obscure stuff...

I actually got to play LeFou in our school production...check it out on my Youtube!


	3. Meet Chula

Ezra, Phineas, and Gus stood by their crypt in the Mansion, hitchhiking. This was actually a bit event, seeing as they were usually doing anything BUT their job. And yet, they really hadn't had a ton of work to do the past few weeks, so it was back to entertaining the guests. Not that they minded, of course. It was fun to have an audience.

"Can you believe what that couple was doing in their Doombuggy?" Phineas asked, watching a pair of lovers roll by.

"Sickos," agreed Gus.

"I've seen worse," shrugged Ezra. "Remember the guy who smuggled a cat in here?"

"Oh yeahhhh..." Phineas rememebered.

"That was kinda neat," muttered Gus.

A crow fluttered down to them, squawking all the way.

"Well, if it ain't our residential buzzard," remarked Ezra. "Got any news?"

"Caw! Special message from Gracey!"

"Gee," said Phineas, "we haven't gotten one of those in a while."

Ezra glared. "Is Leota up to something?"

"Nothing like that!" cawed the crow. "He wants your help with getting rid of Chula!"

Ezra grinned. "Well, it's about time! I'll get the rocks."

"I'll get the other rocks," said Phineas.

"I've got rocks with me," said Gus.

"No, no, no!" The crow squawked impatiently. "Caw! No rocks!"

"Acid?" Phineas asked hopefully.

"NO! He wants you to find the spider somewhere else to live!"

"What?!" cried Ezra. "He excepts us to help that little creep?" Taking a deep breath, the ghost screeched as loud as he could. "Ahem...GRACEEEEEEYYYYYYY!!!"

Very annoyed, George Gracey flew down to the crypt. "What is it, Ezra? The whole ride can hear you!"

"I figured you'd be mad it I left my post," Ezra replied innocently.

"You ALWAYS leave your post."

"Oh yeah. Forgot. Let's talk over here," Ezra led Gracey to a small alcove where the riders wouldn't see them. "Now, what's all this about us helping Chula? Couldn't we just leave him in the cold and forget about it?"

Phineas flew over and joined them. "I've got a problem with that."

"Morally, I do as well," agreed Gracey.

"Well, that, and it's Florida so it doesn't get really cold."

"What Chula needs is something to occupy his time," explained Gracey. "Or rather, someone. Perhaps a girl?"

Ezra blinked. "You're serious?"

"Nothing to hold a man down like a ball and chain," Gracey shrugged.

On that note, Gus flew over in a flash. "Somebody say 'ball and chain?'"

"You know," Phineas said thoughtfully, "this might actually work..."

"Fine," Ezra muttered darkly. "What have I got to lose except some precious moments of my afterlife..."

Gracey looked around. "Wait a second...who's hitchhiking?"

"It's cool," said Gus, "we got someone to cover."

They all glanced over to see the crow standing there, doing nothing.

"Hey!" cried Phineas. "Why aren't you hitchhiking?!"

"Crows don't have thumbs."

"He does have a point, you know," admitted Gracey.

Ezra angrily smacked the crow away and turned to Gracey. "So we're gonna help Chula...well, we scratch your back, you scratch ours. We've been doing our job diligently for about two weeks now and I believe we deserve a chance to, you know, explore the park, see the fans, the whole shebang."

"What exactly are you saying?" Gracey narrowed his eyes.

"We take Chula out to find a girl NOW or the deal is off."

Gracey threw his arms up in despair. "Oh...fine. Go. Get him out of here!"

"Now you're talking!" laughed Gus. Cackling, the ghosts flew off through the Mansion.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chula lived in the walls of a hallway near the Corridor of Doors. It was out of view from any of the guests. Ezra knocked on the section of the wall the little spider lived in. No one answered.

"For the one time we want him, he's not here..." grumbled Ezra.

At that instant, Chula hopped out from a corner and spat a spiderweb in their faces. "Hello!" shrieked this spider in a high-pitched voice. "HA DIRECT HIT! GO CHULA!" He immediately calmed down and began to speak with a faux British accent. "So, what can I do for you blokes? Care for tea? Scones? Flies?"

Phineas struggled to find his words. "Uh...say, Chula, do you ever get lonely eating those...flies...alone?"

"Sometimes I make the flies eat the other flies."

The ghosts stared at him in silence.

"Even I'm not touching that one," whispered Gus.

Chula's voice grew to an even higher falsetto. "Is thiiiiisss your way of askin' for a fly to eat? Cause if it is I CAUGHT 'EM FAIR AND SQUARE and I believe I am entitled to the little buggers. Unless one of you wants to fight me for it! Put up your dukes! I can take the lot of ya at once and still have two arms free to make another web!"

Ezra grabbed the spider and squeezed him as hard as he could. "LISTEN. You need someone who will put up with you. We are not those people. No one here is that person. Your person is out there in the sunlight, somewhere in this mixing pot called America where there are tons of freaks!"

"Have you tried the Internet?" suggested Phineas.

Chula squirmed out of Ezra's hand. "Hmmm...well, I suppose I could use a li'l smack on the rump once in a while to keep me going. I mean, I like flies (who doesn't?) but a sweeter treat would be SWEET. And a treat."

Gus flew out. "I'm just gonna leave for a second. My head hurts."

"So put on your Sunday clothes!" sang Phineas. "We're off to find a girl!"

As they started to leave, Phineas noticed Gus smacking himself in the head with his ball and chain. "I thought your head hurt..."

"I just don't want to listen to him..."


	4. TR Chula is Not the Ladies' Spider

"Okay," said Ezra, "we should probably start with animated spiders. Can you think of any?"

"Ooh! Ooh! Rosie from _A Bug's Life_ !" suggested Phineas.

"Great idea!" Ezra agreed. "I think she lives in the flowers at the front gates..."

They went straight over to see Rosie, who was a little unsure. "Well, my latest husband recently passed away. I'm not sure if I'm into the whole dating thing just yet. It takes a few days for me."

Ezra made a "Please for the love of God" sign to her.

"Fine," sighed Rosie. She crawled over to Chula. "So you're a tarantula?"

"Uh...I think I am, 'cept the name is more of a terrible pun than anything. But I'll tell ya one thing, you sexy black 'n blue babe...I've got a web full of love meant for two...a web full of love meant for YOU."

Wincing, Rosie attempted a smile. "That's actually kind of sweet..."

"Plus," continued Chula, "I found these great pillbugs on the way over here! I figured we could share 'em for a romantic dinner and then have sex. Lots of it." He held up Tuck and Roll, tied up in a web.

Rosie immediately snatched the bugs away. "Wait a second! Those are my friends! Listen, Chula, if we're going to try to be in any kind of relationship, you have to be careful on who you plan on eating."

"But they look sooooooooooo good," whined Chula. "C'mon, they're practically "Get out!" shouted Rosie.

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, WOMAN! CHULA IS THE BOSS OF CHULA! And I personally feel that we don't have that special connection. Try not to cry when I leave."

In response, Rosie started to strangle Chula with her web. The Hitchhiking Ghosts pulled him out and ran away.

"Did we tell you we loved you?" Phineas called to Rosie.

"You owe me!" Rosie called back.

They eventually slumped against a building on Main Street, panting.

"What was her problem?" squeaked Chula.

Ezra glared at him. "This won't be easy, will it, Chula?"

"As long as you don't try to hook me up with anymore psychos!" Chula switched back to his British accent. "I'm a sophisticated spider, m'lad. I assumed you could tell. Ah, well, I suppose the lower class oftentimes make bad judges."

"We should have left him to get strangled," Ezra muttered. "No one would have known. No one would have cared. Rosie would have had a nice dinner. Why did we help him?!"

"Because we're nice?" suggested Phineas.

"Stupid character development," grumbled Gus.

"Know any other eight-legged vixens?" Chula grinned hopefully.

Phineas thought for a second. "How about that spider from _The Corpse Bride_ ?"

"Nah, she's with the Maggot," said Gus.

"Really?"

"What, you couldn't tell?"

"Honestly," Ezra shrugged, "there just aren't too many cartoon spiders out there. That Miss Spider girl is married...wasn't there one from the Beetlejuice series?"

"Didn't impress me," said Chula.

"Well, maybe we can just find a girl bug or something," said Phineas. "It doesn't have to be a spider."

Upon hearing this, Chula kissed Phineas. "Phinnical P. Protorp, you are a genius!"

"That's not my name."

"SHUT IT, PHINNICAL. Now, then, I'm thinkin' something along the lines of a human girl. Sleek and slender, but not a total stick figure. I want someone who I'll be able to run around on."

"Not gonna happen," Ezra said quickly. "Admittedly, I managed to land a human..."

"And what a human!" Chula's eyes went wide.

"Don't make me squish you. Like I said, I've got a girl, but your chance are pretty slim. Name me one spider who's got a hot girlfriend."

"Spider-Man," replied Chula.

"Does that count?" asked Phineas.

Ezra sighed. "I don't care anymore." In response, Gus smacked Ezra with his ball and chain. "That actually felt good," admitted Ezra.

"Knew it would," nodded Gus.

Needless to say, the girl search did not go well. Chula was simply too...too...too personal for the girls. Also, he was a freaking spider. A loud, rude, boisterous, perverted, freaking spider. Not exactly the kind of guy who would turn the ladies on.

"Florida chicks," sneered Chula, before switching into his British falsetto. "They simply do not know what they are missing."

"Okay, I've got a final resort." Ezra pulled out an inflatable woman. "Meet Assley Titsdale. I'm sure you'll get along fine."

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Chula squealed with delight. He sprang at it, the doll popping a second later.

Ezra glared at him. "First rule: Don't bite the girls! You're impossible, you know that? You give them no reason for them to like you! You...you...you make us look SERIOUS! T.R. Chula, you're a freak!"

(To the tune of "Look at Me, I'm Sandra Dee" from _Grease_ )

Ezra: _**Look at me, I'm T.R.C.** _

_**I do stuff annoyingly** _

Gus: _**I'm such a leech** _

_**I don't talk, I just screech** _

All Three: _**That's me! I'm T.R.C.** _

Gus: _**Yeah, the name is T.R.C.** _

_**Why do people run from me?** _

Phineas: _**Could be because** _

_**I enjoy smelling bras** _

All Three: _**Of course, I'm T.R.C.** _

Phineas: _**How bout me** _

_**And you** _

_**Order pay-per-view** _

_**Or I know where we could watch some free** _

Ezra: _**It's a nature show** _

_**But, hey, don't you know** _

_**They're always in the nude, you see?** _

Phineas: _**There are girls for whom I care** _

_**Lovingly, I stroke their hair** _

Gus: _**Since I'm a creep I do this while they sleep** _

All Three: _**Because I'm T.R.C.** _

Ezra: _**This song's me in a nutshell** _

_**I like ladies, can ya tell?** _

All Three:_** I'm just a runt** _

Gus: _**And I suck** _

Phineas: _**Gee, that's blunt** _

All Three: _**Who cares? I'm T.R.C.!** _

At the song's end, they laughed hysterically. "I actually feel a lot better now," said Ezra. "Nothing like some fun at someone else's expense."

Phineas looked around. "Ezra, Chula's gone!"

"Good riddance," said Ezra. "We did our job. He ain't coming back to our Mansion anytime soon. Now, let's have some fun! We do have time off, ya know."

* * *

Well, I thought that "Assley Titsdale" was a clever joke I had come up with until I Googled it and found out that I had been beaten by a ton of people already. Such is humor.

I've gotta say, I LOVED writing that song. Here's an alternate version of the fourth verse:

**_Forgive me if I unnerve_ **

**_You won't find a bigger perv_ **

**_I've made it clear_ **

**_If it's a girl, I leer_ **

**_Because I'm TRC_ **


	5. A Spider's Backstory

The ghosts were walking around Frontierland, enjoying their time away from Chula when they ran into the Swamp Boys.

"Howdy, fellas," smiled Banjo. "Couldn't help but overhear your amusin' yet mockin' song 'bout Chula."

"He deserved it," snapped Ezra. "It's his own fault that he can't fit in."

"I don't know about that, Ezra," said Banjo. "Remember how we said we were the pseduo-narrators?"

"Vaaaaaauuuuuugly."

'Cordion got his accordion ready. "Well, here's where the narrating starts."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(To the tune of "The Bells of Notre Dame")

_**Out in Green River a spider was born** _

_**He was Chula (R and T)** _

_**Out in the desert in the scorching heat** _

_**A spider was hard to be** _

_**Yet he learned how to hope and rustle** _

_**He was wild and crazy a free** _

_**And flowing and ebbing and always a-webbing** _

_**That was** _

_**Sir Chula (R and T)** _

The desert was a tough place. Hot and scorching by day, cold and unforgiving by night. T.R. Chula had lived his whole measly life under the blazing sun and the frigid moon. If he had a family, he didn't know them and they didn't know him. He lived by his own rules. His hat, his shoes, his bandanna, he didn't remember where he got them. Probably stole them or found them on a body. Not that Chula cared.

Chula kept himself company. When he wasn't hanging around bars and leering at women, he was out practicing his lassoing and web-skills. And they were pretty impressive, even for a spider.

"Nothin' like complete and total isolation to help a guy out," he often said. He talked to himself mostly, since there was really no one else to talk to. Still, he was content. "I just love the west!"

And yet when he would scamper through those towns, Chula would occasionally notice a family or a group of friends. And, well, he never really knew what to say to them. Or if he should say anything. So he didn't.

Not that Chula would know what to say, of course. He was the toughest spider this side of Green River and didn't want anyone to forget it! The little tarantula got into many scraps, and one most of them, too. Needless to say, he wasn't very popular as a result.

_**Once a train pulled into town** _

_**With whistles and its bell** _

_**Bringing all the normal shipments in** _

_**And something else as well...** _

Now, it was around this time that an upperclass-looking stranger entered the scene. One morning, a cat with a large red hat, monocle, and flowing cape hopped off the train and strolled through the town. "Very good," he murmured.

A few cats decided to see what the stranger's story was. And if he had any cash. A circle of cats formed around him.

"One-Eye," the leader of the cats stepped forward. "Howdy, stranger," he growled. "What brings you into our neck of the desert?"

"Allow me to introduce myself, gentlemen," the stranger said, bowing. "I am Cat R. Waul, and I come bearing a proposition."

A mangy and uneducated little fleabag, Earless Poultroon, hopped around. "Them's fightin' words!"

Frenchy, a well-built orange cat approached Waul. "Vat is ze meaning of zis, monsieur Waul?"

"Easy, gents, easy. I have come up with a plan. A wonderful plan to spruce up this town, make it clean and livable, provide music, drinks, and entertainment!"

"Sounds like a lotta work," growled One-Eye.

"And that's where the beauty is, my friend," smiled Waul. "It is not us who will be doing the bulk of the work. We will use labor workers. Delectable mice, to be exact."

The cats' eyes widened. Now they were interested.

"Keep talkin'..." nodded One-Eye.

"We go to the city, we terrorize the mice, I trick them into coming here for a better life, we persuade them to work alongside us, they do the work, and then we feast."

Earless Poultroon scratched his head. "Well, I do know a good recipe for mouseburgers..."

"That's the spirit!" grinned Waul.

"Hey, hey, hey!" screeched a high-pitched, scratchy voice. Everyone turned to see Chula scampering over. "Count me in! I just looooooove eatin' mouseburgers!"

Cat R. Waul narrowed his eyes. "And who might you be?"

"T.R. Chula, humbly at your service. I'm an expert when it comes to webs." To demonstrate, Chula spat a web on Cat R. Waul's feet.

"Charming," said Waul. He looked into the crowd of cats. "Anyone who wants to make a halfway decent meal of him, be my guest."

One-Eye jumped for him. Chula sprang out of the way and spat a web in his face. The chase was on! One-Eye bounded down the street after the spider, chomping his jaws away. The chase went through a bar, and eventually onto the building's roof. At one point, Chula managed to spit a web directly into his mouth, gluing this teeth together. As One-Eye tried to untangle his tongue, Chula hopped into his shirt and began to run around, his little boots pitter-pattering everywhere possible. One-Eye sprang up and ended up landing falling into a water trough, screaming all the way.

Cat R. Waul stared in shock. And then...he clapped. "Brilliant, my friend. I believe we could make good use of you."

Chula looked up hopefully. "Yeah! I call that one the 'Flying Aaaaahhhh!' Now, that's the stuff!"

"You can tell me all about it over dinner..."

Nodding to the others, Cat R. Waul headed into the local saloon. The other cats and an excited Chula followed him. Inside, Waul began to explain his plan to the curious critters...

_**A friendship was forming** _

_**He liked having one** _

_**So thought Chula (R and T)** _

_**The feeling was warming** _

_**And possibly fun** _

_**So thought Chula (R and T)** _

_**Yet Cat R. Waul was a bit too cunning** _

_**Hard to trust someone who is as he** _

_**But Chula was so joyful he'd be an employee full** _

_**Of mice** _

_**Yes, Chula (R and T)** _

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"What, so that's it?" complained Ezra. "THAT'S your story? Nothing happened! So why doesn't he hang out with his stupid cat friends anymore?"

"I think there's more to the story..." Phineas started.

"Not interested!" called Ezra, stomping off.

"We'll tell y'all the rest another time," Gee-Tar whispered to Gus and Phineas. The Swamp Boys walked off.

"Well," said Phineas, "what should we do now? I think I'll head back to the Mansion."

"Country Bears," replied Gus.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After the show, Gus was leaving the theater when he bumped into Kronk, who was putting up a WANTED poster...with Chula's face on it.

"What's with the poster?"

"Oh, this?" smiled Kronk. "My idea. I think it kinda adds to the western atmosphere. It's, like, ambience or something. Nice touch, right?"

"No, I mean why is HIS face on it?"

"Oh, the spider? Meh, Creeper wants him or something, so I guess that makes him 'wanted.' I'm still not sure what's up with this guy, but they like my cake, so...ya know, that reminds me. I think some of those guys were gonna search your mansion or something. I don't know, I'm just the caterer."

Gus nodded. "Yyyyyeeeeaaaahhh. Gotta go."


	6. Huge Frontierland Medley Thing

It's been a while since I've updated, so here's a quick recap: A mob of villain sidekicks are out to capture Chula for unknown reasons, and Gus is now going to warn the others about information he's just recieved.

* * *

Gus was heading back to the Mansion when he noticed Ezra sitting on a fence next to some of the crows from _Dumbo_ . Somehow, the crazy ghost had gotten his hands on alcohol and was in the middle of one of his typical Disney rants. "An' you know what really bugs me? This whole pop star thing Disney has going for its girls. Every time there's this cute li'l kid in one of their sitcoms, they have to come out with a freakin' album! I ain't saying they're bad, I'm just sick of it! Ashley, Christy, Lindsay, Hillary, Raven, Miley, Selena, and there's probably more...like, when I first heard about _Hannah Montanna_ and they're all like 'she's secretly a music sensation!' I was just all 'OH, COME ON, DISNEY! COME ON! YOU'RE NOT EVEN TRYING ANYMORE! YOU'RE NOT EVEN WAITING FOR THE SHOW TO GENERATE MODEST SUCCESS, WHICH IT ALWAYS DOES BECAUSE THIS IS THE FREAKING **DISNEY CHANNEL** , NO YOU'RE ALREADY LAUNCHING A LINE OF MERCHANDISE ON OUR POOR TWEENS! AND OF COURSE THEY'LL BUY IT ALL, BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW ANY BETTER!" he sighed. "I don't hate Miley. I don't. I just...no, it ain't her fault. It really ain't."

For once, the crows were speechless.

Gus ran over and started to drag Ezra back to the Mansion. "Thanks for watching him."

One of the crows finally spoke. "I ain't never, never, never seen anythin' like dat." His friends nodded.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Gus got back, he conked Ezra a few times until he sobered up. A strange technique indeed, but it worked. Then they got Phineas and Gus told them about what he had heard from Kronk. Clearly, these guys were serious. They immediately transferred this news to George Gracey.

"Dear, oh dear," moaned Gracey. "Well, where is Chula, then?"

"Funny story..." Ezra smiled sheepishly.

Gracey immediately narrowed his eyes. "What happened?"

"We sang and it got out of hand," admitted Phineas.

"Again?"

"Can ya blame us?!" exclaimed Ezra. "He's a freakshow! Besides, who knows where he is now?"

"But Chula was part of our Mansion!" defended Gracey. "He was a member of the family! Surely you could have found a good home for him! Why, back when we lost that cow, you three nearly destroyed the park finding it."

"Loved it," said Gus, remembering the time that the Mansion's resident ghost cow had been cownaped by Alameda Slim, leading the hitchhikers on a madcap chase across the Magic Kingdom.

"Yeah, but Minnie Moo had the brain of, well, an average cow," said Ezra. "She didn't screech and try to steal my girlfriend."

"You didn't have a girlfriend then," Phinaes pointed out.

"Well, even if I did, she wouldn't have tried to cut in. Minnie Moo doesn't do that kinda stuff."

"Alright," sighed Gracey, "maybe I can put it this way. If Creeper and his thugs find Chula, what are they going to do?"

"Squish him?" guessed Gus.

Gracey nodded. "And then where will his ghost go?"

It wasn't too long before the truth dawned on the Hitchhikers. "HE'LL NEVER LEAVE!"

"Exactly. Now, my advice to head out to Frontierland and find him!"

Ezra saluted. "Can do, will do!"

Without another word, the ghosts wooshed out the door in search of the missing spider.

(To the tune of "The Girl I Left Behind" from _Fievel Goes West_ )

Ezra: _**You know me and all my quirks** _

_**And how I love adventures** _

_**Them and me go hand in hand** _

Phineas: _**Like old people and dentures** _

Ezra: _**And at this point I think that** _

_**I've had enough with spiders** _

_**But we'll search with all we have** _

_**From digging and to gliders!** _

Gus: _**Search the land and scan the sands** _

_**He's out there in the desert** _

_**And with the villains around** _

_**It's too easy to get hurt, get hurt, get hurt!** _

As they flew over Frontierland, Phineas noticed what appeared to be a mob of villain sidekicks marching into Liberty Square towards the Haunted Mansion, led by none other than Creeper.

"Hey, what are THEY doing?" wondered Phineas.

"As long as Chula's not there, it's fine," said Gus.

Ezra: _**Move along and keep it up** _

_**We've gotta do more searching** _

Gus: _**Dig down to where Brer Mole lives** _

_**And look where crows are perching** _

Phineas: _**Do a scan through the gift shops** _

_**Through rugs made of fake bearskin** _

_**Chula might be sticking around** _

_**Girls showing all their skin** _

Ezra and Gus: _**Hope we find him someday** _

_**Or he finds his way** _

_**Back to our semi-loving arms** _

Phineas: _**Check with all the Country Bears** _

Gus:_** I hope they didn't chomp him** _

Ezra: _**Look in old Brer Fox's lair** _

Gus: _**I hope he didn't stomp him, stomp him, stomp him!** _

Creeper, of course, was executing his plan to scour the Mansion for Chula. He and the others shoved their way through a line of guests and began to ransack the place. All the ghosts looked upon them disapprovingly (and rightly so), but Gracey had instructed them not to interfere, hoping that Creeper wouldn't find Chula, and then move somewhere else, knowing that the arachnid was somewhere else.

(To the tune of "You Ain't Home on the Range" from _Home on the Range_ )

Creeper: _**Root through the chests and drawers and in the hallways** _

_**Lift up the rug, give the carpet a tear** _

_**Check in the tiles on the ceiling** _

_**Find him and smack him till he's reeling** _

_**Chula, we know you're hiding there!** _

Sidekicks: _**Find, find, find that dumb spider** _

_**Look through everything here** _

_**Find, find, find that stupid spider** _

_**Stomp down hard on his rear** _

Creeper: _**Rummage in trunks and check inside that crawl way** _

_**Dig up the graves and search in every tree** _

_**The thrill of the chase and hunt is one thing** _

_**But it's now an I-want-it-done-thing** _

_**Squash him and make him history** _

Sidekicks: _**Look, look, lookin' for Chula** _

_**He's good at hiding it's true** _

_**Look, look, lookin' for Chula** _

_**So much we wanna do** _

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And where was Chula, you ask? Blissfully unaware of the commotion at his former home, Chula was busy scurrying around his new home, Frontierland.

(To the tune of "Way Out West" from _Fievel Goes West_ )

Chula: _**This place is really moving** _

_**I think I'll like it here** _

_**I'll eat whenever I want** _

_**I'll slap a showgirl's rear** _

_**Oh yeah, I'm gonna like it** _

_**Back on the ol' frontier** _

_**It's like in Green River** _

'_**Cept there's lots more souvenirs** _

Phineas: _**I checked up and down Main Street** _

Gus: _**I looked around the east** _

Ezra: _**Looks like he's going way out west** _

_**That's deja vu, at least** _

Phineas: _**We must find him and quickly** _

Gus: _**'Cause if we don't he's dead** _

Ezra: _**I never thought I'd have to save** _

_**That pesky arachnid** _

Chorus: _**Frontierland** _

_**Where trains scale mountains** _

_**A shooting gallery and flares** _

_**Hollow logs** _

_**In oversized fountains** _

_**All that, and we've got singing bears!** _

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Back at the Mansion, Creeper and his goons were finishing up searching the place. They hadn't found any sign of Chula. As they were leaving, however, Creeper grabbed Digit in one of his grubby green hands. "Not so fast, roach!"

"P-pardon?" stammered Digit.

"I have a feeling that spider's still around here, and I elect YOU to stay behind and look for him!"

Digit nodded nervously. "An extreme honor, I'm sure. However, I believe that I could name a few others who would do a much better job of...dare I say...bugging the Mansion, as it was. A little pun there, eh?"

Creeper squeezed the poor little bug. "You don't have a choice! If you see him, TELL US!" Creeper shoved Digit into a tiny hole in the wall and exited with the other sidekicks. "You know, it's fun squeezing someone smaller than you. I can see why the sire always did it to me."

(To the tune of "You Ain't Home on the Range")

Sidekicks: _**Didn't get to do a spider squishing** _

_**Didn't get much closer to that runt** _

_**But we got to be all mean and act tough** _

_**And we had an excuse to smash stuff** _

_**And that's pretty fun, to be blunt** _

_**Look, look, lookin' for Chula** _

_**He's good at hiding it's true** _

_**Look, look, lookin' for Chula** _

_**So much we wanna do** _

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And during all of this, Chula was STILL happily scampering around Frontierland, when he happened to notice a WANTED poster with him on it. Not surprisingly, he wasn't fazed a bit.

(To the tune of "Way Out West")

Chula: _**There's lots of WANTED posters** _

_**And each one has a face** _

_**I think I'll take a few down** _

_**And hang them at my place** _

_**That suddenly reminds me** _

_**I'm now lacking a lair** _

_**I've gotta find I new place now** _

_**In that somewhere out there** _

Chorus: _**Frontierland** _

_**Wide spaces are wider** _

_**An island with a fort and caves** _

_**Frontierland** _

_**Ideal for a spider** _

_**All with dusty trails to pave** _

_**Frontierland** _

_**Where trains scale mountains** _

_**A shooting gallery and flares** _

_**Hollow logs** _

_**In oversized fountains** _

_**All that, and we've got singing bears!** _

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And as Chula continued to happily scamper around the desert, the Hitchhikers continued to search and worry.

(To the tune of "The Girl I Left Behind") (LAST PART OF THE SONG!)

Ezra: _**So where the heck has Chula gone** _

Phineas and Gus: _**We wish for a location** _

_**Where the spider could be found** _

_**We need some information** _

All Three: _**We'll find him yet, we'll find him yet, we'll find him yet** _

_**We're gonna find T.R. Chula** _

_**Tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight!** _

_**Alright!** _

Panting, the ghosts landed on the ground. They were having absolutely no luck finding Chula.

And, of course, it was that moment that Chula chose to crawl over to them and grin. "What's going on? What are you guys still doing here?"

Without a word, Ezra grabbed the spider and the trio (plus Chula) rocketed back to the Mansion.

"Just look at what they did to the place!" moaned Phineas, looking at the destruction the evil henchmen had left in their path. "I mean, I know we're supposed to keep this place dirty, but this is ridiculous!"

"What the heck did you DO to those guys?!" Ezra exclaimed at Chula.

"Whaddaya mean, what did I do? I didn't do nothing!"

"Well, you must have done SOMETHING, because you're being chased by every henchman in Disney history!" steamed Ezra.

Chula shrugged. "Meh. First you kick me out, then you bring me back." He then resumed his faux British falsetto. "I think you blokes just need to make up your minds."

Smoke came out of Ezra's ears.

"Uh-oh," whispered Phineas.

"I thought only I did that..." said Gus.

"LISTEN, SPIDER," Ezra yelled, before lowering his voice. "You're the reason our Mansion got trashed! You're the reason that we're driving ourselves insane trying to protect you! You're the freak who won't lay off my girlfriend! I don't know what you did to those guys, but I bet it had something to do with you being NOTHING BUT A LUMP IN THE CARPET, THE MOST USELESS, UNLIKED CREATURE IN OUR ENTIRE MANSION! I'D RATHER SPEND THE DAY WITH LEOTA THAN WITH YOU! SO GET OUT, STAY HERE, I HONESTLY DON'T CARE ANYMORE!"

Phineas and Gus stared agape at Ezra, who stood there, panting.

Chula's eyes were now huge and wet. The little spider actually looked...cute and sympathetic, genuinely hurt by Ezra's words. So this is what everyone thought of him? With a slight sob, Chula crawled into a hole in the wall.

* * *

Holy crap, that took a while to write. Actually, I had some of the verses of the "Frontierland" part of the song written a while in advance. Chula's verse near the end, the one about the WANTED posters, I think was supposed to go a little differently, and he was going to sing about going back to the Mansion.

See, in the original plot, Chula was to return to the Mansion on his own, having cooled off at the Hitchhikers' earlier song, and feeling better after running around in the west. He would show up conveniently as Creeper and the others were leaving, resulting in a madcap chase scene, trashing the Mansion even more. Of course, Chula escapes. When the Hitchhikers come back and find that Chula's already there, they're PISSED. Still, that would conflict a lot with stuff that happens later in the story, so I think I made the right changes.

Um, if anyone cared about that at all. Meh, I love behind the scenes stuff, that's all.


	7. A Spider's Backstory Part II

Wow, it has been long since I've updated. And it's probably been a long time since you've read this too, huh? You know what? I'm going to give you a chance to re-read this story so you're not lost.

Go ahead, I'll wait.

Okay? Great! Here we go again!

* * *

"You said some pretty mean things to Chula," Phineas told Ezra, as the ghost relaxed in their bedroom.

"Yes," replied Ezra, "and I feel that I am a better person for having done so. That little pest deserved it."

"Maybe, but there's a reason he's that way," said a voice.

The Hitchhiking Ghosts screamed as they realized that they were not the only people in the room. The Swamp Boys sat in the corner.

"How long have you been there?" cried Phineas.

"Not very," replied Banjo, "but that's what an omnipresent narrator does. We come and we go."

"Cut the _Muppet Christmas Carol_ shtick," said Ezra. "What life-changing story are you gonna tell us now?"

"Just the end of Chula's story, of course," said Banjo. "You never let us finish before."

"Seems like that was years ago," mused Gus.

The Swamp Boys began to play their music.

(To the tune of "The Bells of Notre Dame")

_**Chula was happier than he had been**_

_**Yes, our Chula (R and T)**_

_**He had much more friends than he'd ever seen**_

_**Yes did Chula (R and T)**_

_**They travelled into New York City**_

_**The scared so many mice easily**_

_**They were ready for carving**_

_**And Chula was starving**_

_**Hungry**_

_**Was Chula (R and T)**_

Cat R. Waul's plan was not terribly complicated. They were to frighten the mice out of the city and into the little town of Green River. There, the cats (and Chula) were to fool the mice into being their friends, have the mice fix up the city, and then eat the mice.

So far, it was working splendidly. There had been a small monkey wrench thrown into the mix when at one point, a young mouse overheard their plans, but Chula had tossed the little bugger off the train and gotten him stranded in the desert where he could do no harm.  
One day, while sitting in the saloon Chula heard an awful screech. Someone had stabbed Cat R. Waul in the rear, and sent him shooting up through the ceiling. Waul landed a second later and grabbed the first thing in sight-Chula.

"I want the subversive who tried to assassinate me found!" he ordered the spider.

Chula saluted him. "I just looooooooove finding subversives!" To demonstrate his eagerness, Chula spat a web in Waul's face. "Hey boss, what's a subversive?"

Waul rolled his eyes and dropped Chula. "Someone who doesn't have very long to live."

Waul found the subversive - the same mouse from the train - a second later. "If it isn't my diminutive friend from the train," he smiled sarcastically, picking up the little mouse.

Chula crawled over, a little dazed, to see Waul about to eat the mouse when…

"_**Dreams to dream in the dark of the night**_…" sang a heavenly voice from outside. Stunned, Waul dropped the mouse, who scampered away…directly into a bottle that Chula snatched up.

"It's dinner time!" cacked Chula.

With Waul distracted, Chula decided that it was up to him to devour the little subversive.

…

"What's your name, kid?" Chula asked the mouse as he lit a match.

"Fievel," the mouse trembled. Fievel's ears suddenly perked up. Was he going to make friends with this spider like he'd made friends with Tiger?

Chula began to sing in response:

_**Good to know ya**_

_**Nice to meet ya**_

_**By the way**_

_**I'M GONNA EAT YA!**_

Chula was on his back in hysterics a second later. Fievel sighed. This spider was NOT like Tiger at all…

Chula grabbed the bottle and began to wave it over a lit candle. "Ah, bottled mouse…hmm…you're not cooking properly-OW!"

Chula had accidently burned his hand. As the spider began trying to cook Fievel again, an earshattering note rang through the bar.

"_**Do you ever miss the girl you left ?**_"

Chula covered his ears (do spiders have ears?) in pain. The note was so high, it shattered the bottle that Fievel was in! Taking his chance, Fievel dashed away with Chula at his little mouse heels.

The chase led them all through the bar! They were up, over, under, everywhere! They were even shot at! But Chula just kept chasing Fievel. He screamed every insult he knew at the little toilet head.

Finally, Chula had Fievel cornered at Miss Kitty's makeup table. He grinned slyly and began to sing again:

_**The itsy-bitsy spider**_

_**Caught a mouse in his web**_

_**The itsy-bitsy spider**_

_**BIT OFF THE MOUSE'S HEAD!**_

Another fit of laughter made Chula let his guard down. Fievel sprayed perfume in the spider's eyes and scampered off.

"I'm in paaaaaiiiin!" moaned Chula.

…

Chula searched all over the bar when he come to, but to no avail. Fievel had disappeared.

"Chula," said a voice. Chula gulped and turned around to see Cat R. Waul towering over him.

"Did you eliminate that little pest?" Waul asked.

"Yes," cried Chula, "yes I did! He's, uh, gone!"

"Good," replied Waul. "Jolly good."

…

But Fievel was far from being gone. The little mouse found reinforcements and managed to not only ruin Waul's plan, but somehow the little guy stuffed all the cats in a sack and sent them on a train to who knew where?

Chula squirmed around in the sack of cats and poked his head out. In the window of the train, he saw a pampered Cat R. Waul dressed as a baby and being cuddled by a woman with a pair of knockers the size of Alabama.

"Look at you!" giggled Chula. "You're adorable!"

"_This is your fault_," hissed Waul. "I told you to kill the little bugger, and what do you do? You let him escape, bring a pair of dogs, and destroy my entire scheme!"

"Aww, sorry," said Chula, "I dropped da ball on this one. How about we get some milk and…"

"SPIDER!" shrieked the woman, suddenly noticing Chula. "Kill it, pussy!"

"Gladly," grinned Waul. The cat sprung at Chula and chased him down the train's hallway.

"You ain't gonna kill, are ya, boss?" panted Chula. "It's just a show you're putting on for her, right? We're friends!"

"We were never friends!" yowled Waul. "Now slow down so I can claw you to ribbons!"

Chula hopped out the window and crawled under the train. Surely Waul couldn't get him this way. But Chula was wrong. Waul gripped the bottom of the train and crawled after Chula.

"I'm going to enjoy this," hissed Waul. "You have nowhere to run, Chula. Nowhere to hide. If you escape me, I'll set my whole gang on you."

Chula paused for a moment, then shot a web at Waul's face. Waul clawed at it, losing his grip on the train. Down he fell, onto the rough desert sand. Chula cackled as he watched the figure of wall get farther and farther away as the train chugged on.

"I just love the Flying Aaaahhh!"

…

"By that time," narrated Banjo, "the other cats had abandoned ship, so to speak, so Chula was out of trouble's way. After that, he lived in the city. There was a follow-up TV series made, but they couldn't get Cat R. Waul or Chula to work together, so they had a pair of actors do the parts instead. Eventually, Chula just sort of ended up here, as many cartoon characters do."

"So what's the big deal?" asked Ezra. "Sounds like he got out just fine."

"But he had lost his only friend," said Gee-Tar.

Ezra looked at the ground and then at the others. "Yeah, that does kind of suck. But he was so annoying!"

"Yeah, but we know why he's annoying, at least," said Phineas. "Maybe he doesn't want to get hurt again."

"Maybe," muttered Ezra. "Fine, I'll tell him I'm sorry if I see him, but only because the story was kind of cool."


	8. A Duo

Chula sighed as he crawled through the walls of the mansion. No one wanted him around. He had never realized what a loser he was until someone actually spelled it out for him. Now there was nothing to do but sit and rot.

It was then that he heard something…the sounds of a high-pitched little voice struggling…

"Wuzzat?" Chula muttered to himself.

Rounding a bend, the spider was delighted to find that he'd captured a bug in one of his webs!

Digit.

The little cockroach pulled and squirmed, but it was no use. He was stuck. "Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear," he kept saying to himself.

"Well, well, well…" smiled Chula. "This'll certainly brighten my day."

"M-my day could use some brightening too," squeaked Digit.

"You have NOT had as crappy a day as I have!" snapped Chula.

"Look who's talking," Digit shot back. "I'm about to be devoured by an ugly brute!"

"Well I just lost all my friends!" shouted Chula. "At least, I thought they were my friends…"

"I have never experienced true friendship myself," confessed Digit. "I've been told that it's quite nice. I suppose that's what I get for falling into the company of cats, but can one do when times are so dire?"

"Cats?" repeated Chula. "Disgustin' blokes, the whole lot of 'em! The only thing I hate worse than a cat is a mouse! Like that little Fievel punk!"

"You've encountered him as well?" said Digit, perking up. "Why, he had me shipped off to Hong Kong!"

"He rode me outta town, too," said Chula. "Hey, I remember you! You were in that foist movie, weren't ya? Yeah, good times, good times…NOT."

Digit smiled. "It's nice to know that my predator has a sense of humor, I suppose. Perhaps a sense of humor that's a tad outdated, but still…"

"Ehh, I don't really wanna eat you," sighed Chula. "Fer one thing, I'm not really that hungry. But fer another thing, you're the foist guy around here who I can kinda relate to, ya know? What with everyone else being dead and all. I kinda like you."

"Birds of a feather, I suppose," smiled Digit, trying not to think about Creeper and the gang.

(To the tune of "A Duo" from An American Tail")

Chula: _**I can tell we've got an awful lot in common**_

_**Even though it might not always seem that way**_

_**Though a meal some might prefer**_

_**I mean, I'm a predator**_

_**And you are the epitome of prey**_

_**Yet the two of us are really not so different**_

_**We both tried our best, but were doomed to fail**_

_**We've got something going on**_

_**I can sense a kind of bond**_

_**All thanks to "An American Tail"**_

_**We're a duo**_

_**A duo**_

_**A pair of lonely ones**_

_**Who were meant to be a two, oh**_

_**A duo**_

_**It's true, oh**_

_**Wherever we go**_

_**We're going me and you**_

_**We've both hit the pavement one time or another**_

_**But we're springing back and this time not alone**_

_**Unconventional, of course**_

_**But I won't beat that dead horse**_

Digit: _**I am shocked, I have to say**_

_**But I'd be shocked any way**_

_**Because of my electric sparks**_

(Digit suddenly begins to spark and jolt around, overcome by the emotion)

Chula: Uh…_**with you around, things won't get dark**_

Both: _**We're a duo**_

_**A duo**_

_**A pair of lonely ones**_

_**Who were meant to be a two, oh**_

_**A duo**_

_**It's true, oh**_

_**If you're ever in a stew**_

_**We know we can make it through**_

_**Cause you've got me**_

_**And I've…got…you!**_

_**Oh yeah!**_

* * *

I love Digit. I don't care that he had, like, four minutes of screentime. Will Ryan is awesome.

I think I had a version of this in mind a while back for a number with the Hitchhiking Ghosts and Brer Rabbit (We're a quartet/A quartet/We used to just have three/But we haven't had a four yet/A quartet/Adore that...etc)


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